that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
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