I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
