i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
