I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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