3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
