I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
