so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
