i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
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