i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
