i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
