Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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