I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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