Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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