So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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