so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
