sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize