I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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