Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
