I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
