Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Randomize
