A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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