your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
