i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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