Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
