i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
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