I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
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