Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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