I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
