Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
i drank out of a bidet.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize