I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
