I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Randomize
