I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize
