fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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