I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Randomize
