I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
We need to get me chipped asap
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
