So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
