she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
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