There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
