just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Randomize
