I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
