with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Moan for me like Helen Keller
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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