maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
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