their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Randomize
