So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
