Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
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