I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I believe in your delicious
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
