i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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