You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
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