is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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