spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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