Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
im on a boat
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