apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Operation Purity has been aborted
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
