One girl and one boy is just not enough.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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