Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
