and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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