Whod you bang
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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