whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
