Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Randomize
