I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Randomize
