I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Randomize
