he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
