She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
