He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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