I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize