Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
