Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
