I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
