Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
