I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
