the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Randomize
