do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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