The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
