you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Randomize