He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Randomize
