so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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