good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize