Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
