its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
