So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
