Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Randomize